My Next Dating Phase: lessons learned.

I know that love is a beautiful thing. I am a hopeless romantic. Seeing two people in love always puts a smile on my face. It is awesome.

I don’t shy away from love. I am open to love and to be loved, as much as it increases the potential of getting hurt. It is those closest to you who can do the greatest damage to you. Love is worth the risk.

After my last serious relationship, where I got engaged and broke it off, I’m still open to love but a bit more cautious. Cautious in the sense that I learned love alone is not strong enough to hold together a relationship. It is a key component; a main ingredient, but not the only one.

My bar is raised a bit higher than it was before. I do not sweep things under the carpet. I address any red flags I see when I see them. If I’m not interested in addressing them, I know the person is not really important to me.

I am more honest. I know my feelings matter and I do not shy away from expressing them. I am an individual first, who can exist fully and perfectly by herself. And if someone is not ready to accept that, well, I don’t know how to be with them. I am a lot. I am complex. I put my cards on the table early enough so you know exactly what you’ll be getting involved with should you decide to pursue things further.

For the longest, I thought being needed and needing someone was romantic, now I think different. I don’t want someone to need me or for me to need them. I want someone who is whole by themselves but choose to share them with me cos he knows two are better than one, and because I complement him and vice versa. I think one’s state of mind when getting into a relationship is very important and key to the success of a relationship.

Shared beliefs and values is another major one. You must know what you’re willing to compromise on and what you won’t let go and no one should punish you for that, not even you. You are right to believe what you believe and in 7billion people, there’s people who belong to your tribe so don’t feel pressured to settle for something that will eat away at your happiness. Nothing is worth that.

For some reason, I’m friends with all my exes. OK, we are cordial. Most are married or dating and they are happy and I am happy for them. When I look back, I know we had some awesome moments together but I am also happy that I stuck to my truth. That I chose me, in other instances I was choosing them lol. When I told them I was not good for them? I don’t do a lot of things right but I am glad I always, somehow, even when I had low self esteem, that I ended up choosing me and what was best for me. You should never betray yourselves for anyone else. Never.

I have met and I’m still meeting people. Getting to know them. At times I get lonely and wish I had my own bae but I have also learned that loneliness alone is not a good reason to get into a relationship. I hope to be in a respectful, loving relationship again, but I am also not in a hurry. When I realised that my marital status does not define me, I got a new sense of freedom. Others may judge me by it and treat me differently, bit that’s their problem, not mine. I will not betray myself in that way.

I hope to find someone to share life with, but it is not the only thing occupying my time. It’s just the same as I hope to make it to the top 40 under 40 list with my event planning business. Finding that person is one of the things I hope for but I will not be sad about it. Because I’ve seen the other side of the coin and it isn’t all roses. So, I’ll enjoy this season and if it changes to the next one, I will have no regrets about it.



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