In school, you get the lesson first then the test.In life, the test comes first then the lesson.Woe unto you if you are a blonde to this fact because you will find yourself fighting the same wars without understanding why.In life,sadly,you cannot rig yourself out of a test.You may think you have,until a few months down the line when you find yourself playing to the same script,different cast.

Yesterday I was all a wreck over a lost lover/love. Now i know the being wreck was necessary.I needed it to see the light and understand some hard facts.Every experience teaches you something new about yourself,if you only are keen enough to listen to what it has to say.When you see everything you go through as a test of some sorts and with a lesson hidden within it,you will move through life quite fast I think,because most of us just have repeat lessons and life will not give you a pass,unless you have passed and in this case,passing is getting the lesson.

For me it was to know that everyone reserves the right of access into their lives and there is nothing I can do about that other than respect that right.I was looking for an explanation as to how one minute it’s a fairy tale and the next a nightmare.I wanted him to tell me the why but he reserved the right to..and I did not get that at first but now I do.I know I am of the school of thinking about other peoples feelings,albeit to my own expense.I do not like the idea of someone going through,for example,what I have gone through these few weeks.I do not like to be the reason for one’s distress and if that means telling you a painful truth,well darling,that’s what I will do.The truth always hurts but it also sets free.So,I will explain myself and because I care enough to do so,I thought life would return the favor but now I understand the saying,’don’t expect life to be fair,it isn’t’.

There is also the saying about how you can only control what you do,but you you have no control whatsoever over another person’s reaction to stuff.So,I will keep true to myself.I will keep living the ‘do unto others as you would want them to do unto you’ commandment but I will not not do it blindly because I know for a fact not everyone lives by it and hence how we handle things is definitely different and it is okay.Now I know that.I know I have complained about some people in my life who do not know how to agree to disagree and i realize the only way I am able to recognize that is because I am of the same school.So today I choose to embrace the fact that I will not always see eye to eye with the people in my life, and that it is okay for us to have different ideas on how to make pizza…lol.

Oh,yeah,the other saying is that of one man’s meat is another man’s poison,hence what works for me will not necessarily work for you and that is also okay.’Whatever works for you’ should become a new motto.I also learned that I have some hidden pride,courtesy of my beauty.Believing I’m too hot for anyone to walk away from me and hence it was a great shocker that this man did it so easily,without flinching while I am here doing a lot of back and forth.Okay,I get it.I am imperfect,and it is okay.

I did text him and I believe for the last time,and apologized for having been such a nuisance these past weeks.I can only imagine.I guess he almost switched numbers just to have some peace of mind from this weirdo aka me. :-). I believe I have learned my lessons which in summary are: humility is a beautiful ornamental virtue that i should rock daily; everyone reserves the right to admission in their lives;life is not fair;just because I am a certain way,I shouldn’t  expect the whole world to be the same i.e. one sees the glass as half full and the other as half empty and both are correct.To do me the best way I know how because I have to live with me. I honestly was disrespectful.Infringing on someone’s personal space like that and thinking I had the right.The nerve!smh!hihihi.Being sorry and apologizing is all I can do now,after learning my lessons and I have done both so now I think after a break,life,I will be ready for the next challenge.

toodles!

Imperfectous.

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3 thoughts on “test before the lesson…that’s life

  1. awwwwww…thanks hun and i just needed to see the situation for what it is.it was over a long time ago,i was holding on to yesterday memories hoping they would somehow transfer to my present but you know what the first step of healing is acceptance and i fully accept what happened.do i regret anything i did.nope.i learned a lot and those lessons are making me better so…it’s all aight.and i gave it my all you know and now its time to move on.i didn’t even cry like i thought i would.smile coz it happened,don’t cry coz it ended,that’s the mantra…moving on up like the jeffersons…;-) thanks again Scott…

  2. I’m not qualified to give expert advice or anything on the matter, but I think I understand how you are. I’ve dealt with a lot of events and later pondering about myself. I basically have always expected others to be like me and when they are not, it sucks! lol. Well, with things like basic respect, etc. I only get burned. I’ve concluded that I just have to accept people for how they are, but of course have standards for who is in my close circle. And then know what? Even if someone proves to be superb with all the traits I love, they can quickly surprise me with the “real them.” Therefore, I guess we do just have to be ourselves and focus on ourselves and not judge. It’s ok to judge, but it normally just makes our own life more difficult. I say that strongly, but still fail to do so very often lol.
    Anyway, you are still dealing with him leaving and it’s going to come back sometimes and bite your ego and your heart some. I hope you can find peace. Hugs

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