Every day I wake up in pain, I wonder if things would have been different if it had been caught earlier? I mean, I do remember back pains when I was younger, but that was attributed to 844 and the many books we had to carry. And the pain came and went so no one took too much notice and anyways, back pains are not for kids. High school came and it got worse. My mobility was being affected now. I was ridiculed for it. Some doctors said it was simply an attention seeking disorder. Until my first neurologist visit.

The first neurologist said as long as there is pain, then something is not right. His diagnosis was spina bifida. Said nothing much could be done but manage it, so I was given pain killers and he advised me to keep of any heavy duties. That one wrong fall on my back could lead to paralysis. Fear. What do you mean? So I kept off any sports and hard duties, especially those that involve pressure on the back.

The symptoms were on and off. The pain was on and off. At times I go for months without pain but then at times it’s like the daily thing I deal with. So I saw a different neurologist early 2015. The person who referred me said he was Raila’s neurologist. Now, he is somewhat a big deal so I figured this guy must be awesome at what he does. And I think he is. I explained to him my history and he didn’t even ask for an x-ray first. He asked me to remove my shirt and stand straight. My friend had accompanied me and so the Doc asked him what he could see on my back? My right shoulder blade is sharper than the left one. One of the signs of what he called scoliosis. Asked me to bend and again, the misalignment was clear to see and do he explained the situation to me.

Its a condition most people are born with. At times it’s too mild to be noticed but at times it can be a problem. It is an abnormal curvature of the spine. If my parents had known what to look for, they probably would have noticed it when I was young and braces could have been placed to help manipulate the spine to develop in the right way. For now, after he saw the MRI and X ray, he said it wouldn’t justify his opening my back and he recommended pain management. It was going to cost money and I was out of a job and if you know me, you know I don’t like feeling like a burden. So, I told myself I’d wait until I got a job, cos I was out of a job then and I’d get back to the pain management specialist.

Scoliosis is the name of the condition. And it does affect my mobility at times. And this totally annoys me. Because then, I need to hold on to someone or something for me to walk. At times it is so painful you don’t know what to do with yourself.

I’ve always been afraid of the implications if I was to get pregnant and so today I did some research and a lot of women who have it, have been able to carry a pregnancy to term, only most have gone through C-section as opposed to the natural way. A sigh of relief right there.

I hate that I have to miss work, not because I can’t function but because I can’t walk. And part of me does not want to be seen as that person at work, so I’d rather not go in. It is a very vulnerable state when you have to depend on someone to do the simplest of things. I’m just not there yet I guess.

Scoliosis is my thorn in the flesh I guess. I’d be happy if I were to never have to deal with it think about it ever again because of a surgery or some miracle. But until then, this is my thorn in the flesh and I need to learn how to not let it define me.

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