bullying…suicide…friend…

i am busy browsing through you tube looking for wedding songs- im in a lovey dovey mode today.and you know the way ypu click on one thing and then there’s a list of other different related stories or songs?so i end up with a post ‘my sister’s suicide note’.i read it and tears fill my eyes but im in the office,and i a m front office.i do not want to be welcoming visitors with red,swollen eyes.and as i read it i see more stories and most of them being from bullying,i mean,the reasons for the suicides and this of course by teenagers and my heart weeps!

I am from Kenya, Africa and I think people back here are quite friendly. i think it is rooted in our culture but of course there are mean people as well but i guess they do not escalate to the heights i see and read in the States and Europe and the like.notice,i am not trying to judge or anything,it’s just as i see it.if i may refer to this specific letter i have just read,this young girl was being bullied at school and her parents at home did not help either.what with her father always beating her,drank or sober and the mother always blaming her for making her father beat her.she had a sister,the one who posted the letter,who she says was the only one who loved her and the only one who tried to reach out and help her but she admits that she had fallen to far for her sister to save her and she apologizes to her for the hurt she will cause the sister.

my high school experience,i don’t know if that was bullying but let me just say i know what it is to have a group of people hate you for no apparent reason or for reasons you can do nothing about.for my case,apparently it was my beauty.well,i got threatening mail of how i would be poisoned and burned.of how i should go back to the school i came from(i had transferred) and the rumors that flew across school were insane.i was even accused of having an affair with a preacher!yeah.that was life in high school and truth be told,suicide crossed my mind.i was a born again someone but i could not understand why God would let me go through all that if He truly was my Daddy,now i know.so i can share this and help another go through something similar.

it was not easy.being the subject of scorn and rumors and what have you.and i did not have a self esteem.i barely made it through,like a drowning man who clutches at a straw.i simply survived my high school life.and that i came out alive,though barely living,is a testimony that God held me even when i had let go.and so i know the feeling.when you feel like the whole world is against you.like no one cares.when you think that the world would be a better place without you.i used to judge and talk down on people who thought of suicide or those who did,until i found myself considering it,then it hit me,it is not black and white.it is not as easy as ABC.and if you have not an anchor,then your problems crowd you and the only way out for you is to not breathe again!it is the wearer of the shoes who know where it hurts most,so goes the saying and true it is.

what i went through is probably not bad compared to some of the things other teenagers have to deal with.actually,no ones issues are less than another.for we all have our different capabilities to handle stuff and as they say,one man’s meat is another man’s poison,so hey.i shall not down play anyone’s issues.

it is worse when the two people charged with taking care of you,provide and protect you,end up being the same ones who hurt you more than anyone else in the world.it hurts,when the people who are supposed to love you turn out to be the ones who teach you what hate is all about.it is truly sad and many children are lost in this way.they may not commit suicide but they end up leading very empty lives which is not the idea God had for us.He wants us to live life in abundance!enough people have horror stories of their childhood and those who made it out,well,had something deeper and bigger that they believed in but more often than not,they had someone who listened to them and who stood with them and helped them through it all.whether it is a friend,a teacher,a pastor.there was someone who spoke positivity in the midst of all their negativity.and that is the person i am at being.to be that friend who will stand with a hurting and lost soul;that friend who will be a pillar of hope and strength.the one who will be the straw that that drowning young person will be able to clutch on.i had God to be that pillar for me and ultimately He is the core but He sends us out to be His hands and feet and to share His love with those who need it.and on that front,i will be counted.

in case you stumble upon this and you have been toying with the idea of ending your life,seeing it as the only way to end your misery,let me tell you that there is more to life and there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel.i get,it doesn’t feel like that right now.when you have to go to school daily and face the bullies or have to experience the abuse at home,but you need to know that you were put here for a reason and purpose and that goes beyond whatever it is you are going through right now.someone does love you.God,more than anything else and i know for sure that He has deposited someone in your life to show you this love.it may be the desk mate you barely say anything to or that teacher who just looks odd. it may be that old neighbor of yours who is always smiling at you whenever you pass her door or it may be someone you met online.what i know is that God has someone to be your crutch at this moment and you only need to find out who they are.speak out.someone will listen and i am offering myself to be that person for someone.we may never meet or whatever but i am willing to listen and just hold your hand and walk with you.

to parents or guardians,we get you are humans and you also have issues to deal with but please do not take them out on your children.they need you.they look up to you.you are supposed to be there for them.help them figure things out.be their number one fans and let them know they are safe  with you.be the people they can run to when the world is being mean.do not shut them out.do not let them feel alone while you exist.love them unconditionally with all their flaws.find ways to deal with your issues and be the heroes in their eyes.i am not asking you to be perfect,but you are the adults so please be more responsible.

if you read this and you are a bully,please stop.deal with your own issues as well because i believe bullies are disturbed people who do not know how to deal with whatever is bothering them and hence they look for someone who is ‘less’ than them to make themselves feel good about them.so deal with yourself and stop making life hell for your fellow students.if you know of someone who is being bullied,or is having a hard time at home,be willing to be the friend who will stand in the gap.even if it’s just praying for them without them knowing and if you can’t talk to them,get someone who can and just don’t give up on them.no matter how much such a lost soul pushes you away,you need to know they are just scared,so don’t give in.stick with them.do your very best!

thank you for reading this and i hope it will certainly help someone.

a song by Zoe girl that i love its called plain.the chorus goes something like

you are a jewel,you’re a treasure, you are one of a kind and you shine just as bright as the stars in the skies you’re a rare kind of wonder,created just right, so keep your head up no matter the pain,there’s nothing about you that’s plain!

xoxo

Imperfectous.

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