Dating can be fun but it can also be painful. Dating here is used to refer to two people choosing to be exclusive with each other as they figure out their compatibility towards the possibility of spending the rest of their lives together. Don’t get me wrong, not everyone you date has potential for the “until death” promise, however, we at times still date them, often for very selfish reasons but we will not go down that rabbit hole today. Today we are about the lessons and in no particular order, here goes:
- Love is about choosing someone over and over and over again in spite of their weaknesses and other things that at times make you want to run them over.
- Love is very independent. You should never love because someone loves you or because you want someone to love you. That is a tad too conditional for love’s taste. Love should be allowed to grow and blossom of its own volition. And if you work with point 1 as a basis, you see that it’s not just something that happens to you, it may start out as a crush, as liking but you have to choose to love someone because 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is very practical. And that to me is the true definition of love; in my humble opinion.
- Don’t make someone a priority when you are only an option to them. It does take two to tango and people will always make time for what matters most to them. If they want to hang out and it’s important to them, they will find or make the time. Busy is code word for you’re not priority. And don’t let this scare you. Truth is we can’t also always be priority, but be wise. If they are never available for you…
- You cannot make someone like you. Not even if they gave you a blue print to their happiness and you fulfill all the requirements. To like is a personal choice. Of course there is that chemistry situation that we most often insist has to be there from the beginning. I have, however, ended up liking people I had no chemistry with when we first met. There’s more to a person than just chemistry.
- Douche bags will always be douche bags, unless they figure out they are douche bags and decide they want to change. I think it is important to date at least one of these, they make you have a deeper appreciation for the finer humans in life, LOL but you’re not missing out on anything if you haven’t come across this type.
- For a relationship to be healthy, the two individuals in the relationship must first be healthy, separately. It’s the individuals that make up the relationship, the relationship does not exist by itself. So, if you think your relationship is not working, check yourself first.
- Don’t stay in a situation that is less than ideal because of time served. The only place time served has any bearing is in jail sentences. And please note I am talking about dating, marriage is another whole ball game that I do not know of yet because I haven’t been there yet. As long as you haven’t said “I do” yet, it’s fair play. Runaway brides or grooms are also fine. 🙂
- Be honest with yourself from the get go about what you want and are looking for. There is no right or wrong answer. It is your life, so you get to make the decisions. Just remember you will also be responsible for the consequences of those decisions so choose only what you can handle. If you just want to have a good time, let it be known. If you want something serious, speak it as well. Being on the same page is one of life’s little pleasures
- Last but not least, this business of ladies thinking that them speaking their minds means they are desperate, needs to stop. It is also your time and life that gets spent, so don’t sit around just waiting for the man to call all the shots. This is how you end up with a wedding invite from the person you were still waiting on to define the relationship. We often don’t speak up because we are afraid of rejection and being alone, but once you have faced those fears, you will be the happier for speaking your truth.
P/s: I am no dating expert. These are just some of the things I think I have learned from my own experiences. Feel free to pick any that fits in with you, discard what doesn’t make sense and comment with any of your dating lessons. We all can always learn something from each other. After all, sharing is caring.
Until the next post, be good, stay blessed and remember you are enough, just as you are.
Bisous,
Imperfectous
Miss Adoyo 