I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday.
It started with the nerves on my right shoulder misbehaving like they at times do and it usually is such a pain or is it just an uncomfortable feeling? I can’t quite place what it is I feel but it got me all emotional and then I started to think about my life and how hopeless I currently kind of feel.
I was to be a mother by now, having been married for two years. Hahaha. I bet God just smiled at my innocence when I was planning this part out in my younger years. Now I am turning 31 in a month’s time, I am without a job and the bills still want my attention and nothing feels like it’s going right for me. Hopeless.
God, you know what, I believe He exists with every ounce of my being because He is always there for me during these crisis moments and He was there yesterday as I was texting my beloved Scott and crying and feeling helpless. Scott is someone very dear to me whom I have never laid eyes on but he is in my heart. Our souls know each other. And he was there. And he helped calm me down and I fell asleep at some point. I know this because I woke up this morning! Hahaha.
I cried. And tears are always good and God does hold each tear that falls and I know He has mine. He is probably making them to good use by channelling them into a stream somewhere. Crying is always good for my soul. I don’t know about you. But I am also not very good at being vulnerable. But with Scott, he is my person, oceans away.
So I woke up and God was like ” OK baby girl. I know things look very dire right now but I got you. Also, I need you to get back to writing. Not writing for the likes and comments, but just sharing your truth, because that’s where the magic is at and it is also very therapeutic for you. Go back to the basics and just trust that I have you.”
I changed my about section. I changed my categories to what felt like my next chapter would be about and I started writing this post. Oh, and this year, I have been thinking about Refugees a lot. I have never really thought much about them. I mean, it’s not like they are always a trending topic. But there was something I read at the beginning of the year that caught my attention and now I follow like all the Refugee organizations online and to know my country Kenya has the largest Refugee Camp in the world, made me feel a bit snobbish and uncomfortable enough to want to do something. And scrolling through twitter, I saw this tweet and I found myself being inspired by them.
So I don’t have a job. At least I have a roof over my head. I know where home is. None of my family members is unaccounted for. Like, compared, I have a lot going for me to be thankful, get off my behind and start afresh like these awesome humans have managed to do with everything else they have to deal with. So I am pressing the restart button and see where it will lead.
I will go with the flow, listen to my instincts, which is generally God, I believe and get my hands dirty and see what the 3rd decade of my life will have to offer!
Hope you find something that will see you through a bad day, or challenge your status quo or just entertain you.
Imperfectous.
Miss Adoyo 