Self-centred “Friendships”

I have always prided myself in being a good friend. I take my friendships very seriously and I always try as much as possible to always be there for people I call friends; and these are not many.

Well, I may use the term loosely because it’s much easier to say it than acquaintance or someone I know but those that I know in my heart of hearts are friend, are very few and I learned the hard way how to keep a lean circle of friends.

One of my ex boyfriends once told me that I cannot possibly have 10 friends, like true friends. He was of the school of thought that if you can actually count your ride or dies in one hand, you are very blessed. Of course I did not agree with him then. I’m just a rebel like that but later on, I came to understand what he was talking about. And my top 5 squad is all a girl could really ever ask for.

This though, is not what this post is about. This post is about how there are people who call you friends only they are there for as long as you “work” for them; like for the moment that you are able to cater for their needs and once they are done or feel like they have their stuff together. they will have zero chills telling you how you apparently do not know them and what they are about, simply because you tried to give an alternative idea to theirs.

The kind of “friends” who want you to always be at their beck and call when they need you but when the roles are reversed, well, “I’m a bit too busy right now, can we talk later?” Only the later never really comes. The kind of “friends” who will guilt trip you for not answering their calls, as if you are a help line call center or a therapist on the dial. The kind of “friends” who never really hear you when you speak because they are too self-absorbed. They think the world revolves around them and that their emergency should be yours and the whole world’s too!

I have come a long way towards choosing me and walking away from situations that are not healthy for me and that at times means cutting off friends who do nothing but drain you. Especially after a number of chances. I know, I am still working on extending grace like Jesus does with me but I am flawed and do have a long way to go. 

So what am I really saying? Well, you don’t owe anyone your time, that’s the truth. And time is precious so you don’t want to spend it on me who will not appreciate its value. It is OK to not pick that call if you know all it will do is take away your smile from your face. A caveat. I find that at times we do pick those calls we would rather not because on some low key level, those conversations make us feel needed and important. So check yourself the next time you are about to indulge in something you know is toxic!

You can say no and you can walk away. These are all very viable options. Your peace of mind is much more important. And I promise you, such people don’t take no or being ignored too lightly, but they also cannot survive much without someone playing at their selfish game so , they will find your replacement rather fast. I have tried it and it works like magic!




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