When someone shows you how they are, belive them. Maya Angelou
This is one of those very real and true statements that if we all applied to our lives, we would be a lot happier. However, as usual, human beings always try to go against the grain even when they know they will end up hurt. Don’t get me wrong, there are circumstances where going against the norm is the right thing to do but where human beings are concerned and who they are, you are better off just going with the flow until someone proves you wrong but do not make it your responsibility to want to prove to someone that they are not who they say they are. But don’t we do this every other time in our relationships?
We meet someone, we get to know them, we like them and want to be with them and we choose to ignore the less than ideal parts of them because we really want to be with them. I have found myself excuse certain behaviours of people I was seeing because, and I found this out much later because I did not want to lose them or to be alone and so somewhere in my mind I decide that being with someone, albeit not the best situation, is better than being alone. What a lie.
It actually took me going back to the cross (I am a Jesus believer), to understand my worth and decide that I deserve nothing but the very best. And no, I don’t mean perfection but I do mean the best. Listen, Jesus died that I may have life and life in abundance. Me being with someone who makes me question myself or keeps me questioning his agenda with me is not an abundant life. It cost Jesus His life and I decided it was time to take myself seriously.
You see, I am a hopeless romantic and when I love, I love. I do not do middle grounds. I’m either all in or all out. And this makes me an enemy to myself because it is easy to get carried away. I am about the simple things in life and those are the gestures that mean a lot. And so once someone figures this out, it is easy for them to rail me in. Knowing your weaknesses is just as important as knowing your strengths, if not more important because then you will be on the lookout for the things that try you and will be better able to deal with them.
The woman I am today is the one who is comfortable in her own skin and her own aloneness, enough to walk away from a good situation because she knows there is a chance for a great situation. I am no longer satisfied with the bare minimum in relationships. Nah ah. I have raised the standards, and even though I entertain your bare minimum for a while, it is because I am consciously holding out a candle and hoping it will keep burning and because I believe in chances but you only get enough strikes, after which I blow out the candle and be on my merry way.
When I decided that nothing external would define me, including a relationship, or lack thereof, that’s when I really took back my power and it is very liberating. Taking back my power also means taking responsibility for my own mess because I am not perfect. I would love to believe so but I am not and I am OK with it. And so I own up when I trip and understand it takes two tango, both in good and bad. This means that I no longer just fault the man but also myself. I take a look at my own contribution, acknowledge it, forgive myself for it, apologize and move on. And I find that I do not enable it in my friends either. I am no longer the girl for hating your man simply because you feel somewhat slighted. I am more about “Give me the whole picture and know I will call you out if you are the one tripping”
Relationships are about two people agreeing to share their lives together for the period of time they are together. As thus, it should be the responsibility of both to ensure it is as awesome as it possibly can be. But most of us are in relationships where we treat the other person like a genie, to be there to do our bidding and when we feel like things are not going away, we are quick to want to bounce. We do not take responsibility because we think we are above reproach and we always play the victim card. Well, taking my power back made me realize that whatever a man I am with does, good or bad, it is with my permission, consciously or subconsciously and once I started owning up to my role, I find that it’s easy for me to walk away from situations that are less than ideal.
We all have our own standards, I would want to hope. We all have a line that we draw on the sand and though there was a time I would easily allow that line to be crossed, I do not anymore and it is beautiful.
So, can you take back your power and stop acting like a helpless victim. It is your life and Jesus did die for you too and it’s too great a sacrifice for you to allow someone else to mess up with the promised abundant life. Take back your power and know that you are worth the fuss. Take back your power and know that you do not need someone else to enjoy life. Yes, life can be better in pairs, but only if it’s the right pair.
Imperfectous
Miss Adoyo 