I Vow by My Vows

In sickness and in health

For richer for poorer

In good and bad times

Until death do us part

We have attended a number of weddings and we have heard these vows repeated countless times, even with people who did not have any intention to uphold them. Marriage has been made to look like an item on our to-do list that we need to check off and that by a certain deadline. 

And a number of people have fallen prey to this lie and have ended up in so much misery that divorce seemed like the only way out for them to be able to breathe again.

Do not get me wrong. I am not saying this is the reason for all divorces, I’m merely saying getting married for the wrong reasons will always most definitely drive us to this point. But not my point today.

I was once engaged. This experience put me in a certain space where I got to really appreciate the vows that people say at the altar and I told myself that until I will be able to mean every word in the vows paragraph, with the full understanding that either of those things can happen, I am not ready to walk down the aisle. 

A bit extreme? Maybe. But marriage is a big deal so I would like to treat it with the importance and weight it commands. 

And I realise for those vows to actually make sense and mean what they mean, I will have to die to self; I will have to let go of me and I and step into the realm of we. Again, until I am ready to let go of my self-centeredness, I have no business wanting a man to propose to me. 

And I am not saying this alone will ensure the success of a marriage, but I think it is a good place to start. 

I once broke up with a man I had thought could be my hubby because I realised I was not ready for marriage. How? I was still figuring me out and what I wanted my life to be about and he seemed to have it all figured out? 

How can two walk together unless they are in agreement?

Some of us mature faster than others and that is fine. When you will be ready, things will fall into place. And it is OK not to be ready when someone else is. I learned this the hard way when I said yes, but wasn’t really sure. 

You see, I can only be responsible for me and my actions and what I bring to the table. And after the experiences, I have had and those I have heard about, I have a new found respect for marriage and I have made a conscious decision not to drag someone’s son through the mud unless I am ready to get into the mud with him. 

For now, the single city is my residence.



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