I attended an event called Engage yesterday and it was their 8th edition and the title was Life. Love. Fathers. It was celebrating the fathers. It is a mixture of speakers and some of the most beautiful music you can ever listen to. The house band especially… Let’s just say, I left there feeling that was a Saturday evening well spent. Definitely becoming a member.
One of the things I appreciated was the range in years of the speakers. It was like every generation was represented and so we got to see the importance and appreciation of fathers across different generations. It was simply beautiful! One of the elderly speakers made me look at my dad, and by extension my mum differently. And I vowed to be more understanding toward them.
Mr. Ngumi, is his name and he said that fathers of his generation made very different life choices and possibly because of the environment back then. You know, dads who are now in their 60s going upwards. And so he was advising that we ought to be lenient with them. You may feel like you want to question why they made the decisions they made, or didn’t make but until you’ve sat down and actually heard their stories, then you really don’t know a thing.
As children, we grow up and become all sorts of successful and soon we look at or parents as burdens or obstacles. I have heard this conversation with far too many different people. Especially children whose parents are retired. And now I realize that it stems from different things and one of it is the generation gap.
Most of our parents grew up in a totally different generation and different environment from us now. I don’t think my mum knows face book, or if it’s even something she would be interested in. For her and her peeps, a phone that can call and message is all they need. Basics. Simplicity. And I am not saying there’s anything wrong with technology, far from it. It just doesn’t make sense to that generation. We right now don’t understand how a hubby can cheat and as the wife you forgive and take him back in. Okay, to be fair, back then our fathers didn’t do much of ‘mpango wa kando’. It was more of co-wife things and it wasn’t pretty but our mothers never let us feel the impacts. They shielded us and it was not until you grew up and become a bit mature that you started understanding certain things and thinking , this doesn’t seem right? Bottom line is, different generations, different environments, different ways of thinking.
Our parents are our parents no matter how crazy they drive us or how much we wish they could be different. They are who they are and it is because of them that we are who we are, whether their influence was good or bad. They are our foundations. Our lives begin with them and that is a fact that will never change. And so now that we are all grown and living in the digital age and a time where opportunities are immense, we now feel we have the right to lecture our parents about how they spend the monies we send them or how they can do things better I’m like ‘how dare we?’ I really don’t care how learned one is or what serious job position you hold, we are not allowed to think ourselves better than our parents for whatever reason.
Honour your father and mother so that it may be well with you. The only commandment with a promise. As I keep saying, God haa everything covered. You may not agree with them, you may not like the decisions they made or continue to make but it is your duty to honour them all the same. You cannot reach an old dog new tricks, sayeth a proverb. So let them be. So do what you can for them now to make their lives comfortable. They did so all they could to make your life comfortable. You don’t hear them going to CNN to talk about it.
I know I am guilty of complaining about one thing or the other. But after yesterday’s eye opening speeches, I choose to stop it. I choose to honour them in my own way. I choose to love on them unconditionally, because that’s what they did with me. I always joke and say that my parents really must love me to have never thrown me away or given me up for adoption. I could be a lot to handle… Hehe. Maybe I still am, but mum and dad, they allow me to be. They will reprimand where necessary but for the better part of it, they entertain my bs. And so I choose to honour them and to respect them even when they do things I think they should know better, I will be lenient with The,m just as they have been with me. I will entertain what I think in my head is bs and love them unconditionally because that’s how they love me. I choose not to question in a demeaning manner but to try and understand first from their point of view.
I know I don’t have all the answers and I don’t know it all, even when I act like I do. And I know personally, the sacrifices especially my mama has made for me. Especially when it comes to my health. Yeah, I am one of those children… I am a complete daddy’s girl though, but I love the Chillos with an immense love and now have new found respect for them. And I plan to try and see things from their eyes first, before jumping to conclusion.
I don’t know what your relationship with your parents is like but never ever let yourself feel like you are better than or above them. They are your foundation and no amount of status can change that.
Blessed Sunday.
Imperfectous.
Miss Adoyo 