In theory, we all say how valuable and important we are. We talk up ourselves so highly, that if it was a wordy world, we would all be very happy; genuinely. But, we have the other side of the coin which is actions. And these always seem to overshadow what our words are saying. You may say you love yourself to the moon and back, but do your actions agree with your statements?

What do your actions say about your words? About you? Do they communicate the value you claim to have of yourself? If you do value yourself, then that means you have certain rules and regulations; boundaries that if someone crossed, you would not be afraid to call them out on it and walk away if they don’t seem to get it. You will not stand there trying to explain yourself for hours. You state your rule and walk away to let them figure it out.  When you find yourself trying so hard to make someone understand you, then you’re selling yourself short. If you are always apologising; almost being sorry for being alive, then you need to check yourself.

My words are more often than not, inspired by own life. Today it hit me that my actions do not reflect my words. In theory, I love myself but in actions, I bend over backwards to accommodate people; times as my own expense. I know where the root problem of that is and I just need to cut it off.

I am a people’s person, or am I? Lol. I always take care of others first; always concerned about other people. I have no problem putting my pain aside to help someone else deal with their own. I know the Bible is big on selflessness and putting others first but mine is not the healthy kind. Because, a doctor needs to be in tip top shape, if he is to attend to a patient well. When he is not, then he is doing both he and the patient an injustice.

I always over explain myself. I always need for people to know the why behind my decisions or whatever. So I can explain it to you like a 2 year old and then I rationalise things a lot. P/s: my star is a Gemini and it is represented by trains, which means duality. The other day online, while looking up the characteristics, it said the duality that Geminis suffer from is about the rational and emotional. This is where the fight is about and apparently our default setting is always to rationalise. Guilty as charged on that one.

I’m also just wondering if my need to over explain things is not really a sign of pride. You know, wanting to always have the last word; never wanting someone to leave with the wrong impression or a misunderstanding. I don’t know that it comes from a healthy place. And I feel like God is telling me, I need to step up. I need to take care of me. And this by acknowledging that my feelings are important and they matter and are not to be pushed aside and anyone who cannot see that, then maybe they are not worth my attention.

There’s a quote I once read that says ‘ no one is worth your tears and the one who is will never make you cry’ and I added, ‘ unless they are tears of joy’.

If you’re always the one to reach out; the one to always call or text; the one to always come up with a plan of activities; the one who is always understanding; then I think you need to check the price tag you have on you. Because it’s not the real one. Your life cost someone else his life; his being spit on and rejected; his being forsaken by his own Father; betrayed by his followers; denied by one of his closest friends. That’s the real worth of your life; of my life. And when that becomes the foundation we operate on daily, you watch this space. When people start saying comments like ‘ she loves herself; she’s a no nonsense’ then you’ll know that your words and actions are speaking the same language. And if you’re a child of God, you will do it all with grace.

Moulding Beauty

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