There’s a quote I read yesterday about being someone’s second best and making yourself a priority. Now, would you say you are a priority to yourself? Do you easily change your mind to accommodate others and their ideas at the expense of your own?
I think when you are an option even to yourself, it becomes easy for you to play second to another. What do I mean? Say you and your pals had decided that on this day we are going to go for this event. Then one day to or the d-day, your pals get invited to another gig by their celeb friend,and you really wanted to go for the other event,that you can still go by yourself. What do you do? Tag along to this new plot though you know you won’t enjoy it or stick to the plan and split? Let’s make it more juicy and say you are the one who came up with the idea?
How many times have you promised yourself something but you post pone it because someone needs a favour done. “I had planned to go to the salon; I’d already booked but I can reschedule and take you shopping instead!” Or “I really wanted to finish up on this book I’ve been reading this weekend, but meat eating sounds like a plan”. And maybe you’re keeping off meat!
It happens in very subtle ways that may be confused with being nice and understanding, but then, who made you in charge of being nice and understanding? Why then can’t the others also cancel their things for you if it’s such a good thing?
You teach people how to treat you and not by your words but by your actions; not by what you say but by what you do. You slowly communicate to them that you and your thoughts and feelings are not as important as theirs, that’s why you can always for go something important to you for what they want. And yes are selfish and all about self and so if you’re good with always doing what I want, let’s rock n roll!
You matter. You are important so are your thoughts and feelings and opinions and wants! And you have got to make yourself matter to you first before you expect others to notice that and treat you with importance. You need to make your voice heard; don’t just go with the flow… You need to know how to say no and how to walk away and how to go ahead with your plan even if you are by yourself. And that will communicate something different t to people. That you are a person of your word and you keep your promises,even if to yourself!
You agreed on a movie date at your place and the house is all set up, popcorns ready and then guys cancel on you. Well then,let it be their loss. Go ahead,get comfy,dim the lights,get your bowl of popcorn and enjoy the movie. And when the come around later and are like “okay,when can we watch the movie now?” Tell them with a smile “y’all can plan the when and where to watch it. As for me it has already been ticked off my to do list and I’m really not into watching it again so soon. It’s an awwsome movie though. You guys should totally make a point to watch it!” You do that a few times, people will tow the line and anytime you plan something they will know whether they show up or not, it’s still going down so it really is up to them! :-).
If you treat yourself as a priority then you will hardly allow someone else to treat you as an option. Even in relationships. You matter. That’s the bottom line and anyone who can’t understand that well, they know the way out I should believe. If your boo cancels on you for something else, let it be known to them that you will still go ahead with the plan. Of course you are bright enough to not go all “whatever”,if the reason is genuine and beyond their control. Like if they wake up unwell, you can instead go and take care of them. Or if there’s an emergency at home and it’s something you both wanted to do together, then you should be able to understand and let it pass. Of course, the dynamics in relationships are always…. Dynamic…lol.
You are important and you do matter. You have got to start by making yourself a priority to you first and the rest of the world will pick their cue from you and you and your world will live happily ever after!
P/s: it’s super liberating when you make yourself a priority and super fun. Maybe I just enjoy my company too much… 😉
Have a good one,
Imperfectous.
Miss Adoyo 