I have been without a job for 3months now. Why time really fly’s past fast. Anyway, I just made the connection of why I was not able to write about it before. I was still mad angry,hurt,feeling betrayed and I guess God was like ‘Once online, it’s there to stay so be careful’. I am at a good place now, where I can be objective about the whole process.
I’m sure everyone has their own way of dealing with stuff. The following are the things I went through after I lost my job, in what I call, unceremonious way… 😉
One day I had a job the next I did not. I could not understand what had just happened. After one whole year, and a hope of many more, it took less than 24 hours for me to have the security of a job to the uncertainty of what next?
P/s: to employers out there,your employees know it is a business contract and that they are all dispensable but a bit of humanity at times goes a long way. Like they say, never burn bridges if you don’t have to. You just never know. Ask Joseph’ brothers ( the one of the Bible).
2. A sense of Betrayal:
After the confusion ended and I accepted, I was filled with a sense of betrayal. I was like ‘How could this person do this to me? After all I have given and given up for this job? After all the sacrifices? After all the input? How dare they? So all the talk about building this together was just what, lip service?!’ And this I must say quickly led to the next emotion.
I was soooo angry and mad and I could have easily committed murder…lol. What? I thought of how best can I get back at this person? How could they do this to me? Now I feel like this is one question God always likes answering me ‘how could this happen to me?’ I imagine him peering from the clouds,looks at me and goes like ‘because who exactly are you again that it should not happen to you?’ And of course I never have an answer. If anything I try to hide my face from him! Because truly,who am I? Proud and entitled can summarize it. And God used this to teach me some very basic things about life and yes employment. In summary that when you are at work,no matter how friendly your boss is and your colleagues,always remember when it comes down to it, you are professionals first then everything else follows. And decisions will not be emotional,they will totally be professionally based. So,never get too comfortable. You never know when you will stop making business sense to your employer and when you do,then you gots to go. And no,it does not have to make sense to you. Just don’t make the mistake if taking it personally it truly is just professionally speaking!!!
Now,stage 3 must have been the longest of them all. I ha thought of how to revenge and get back at my former employer but the Lord… I always say,my being born again did not just save me,it also saved the world from me because if some if the thoughts I have had are anything to go by, the Lord help us! Nasty would have been an understatement!
I came to a place of acceptance. That yes,this haf happened and yes to me and that it is okay. Like Solomon said,there is nothing new under the sun. So, it was time to stop playing the victim card,pick my lessons and move on. Well,just because I accepted does not mean I still wasn’t hurting and like they say,hurting people hurt people. I did let my friends know exactly what I thought of my former boss and well from a place of hurt,nothing good was forthcoming. I did get personal. Part of me feel like I needed to,if I was ever to get past this because why,I felt my dismissal was more personal than professional. I am entitled to my opinion right? True but when you are a child of the Most High. I guess there should be some difference! Anyhow, I went through the ice cream with best friends process of hating the person. You know girls,like when you break up with your guy and no matter the part you played, the ice cream day is when you get to be the saint and je gets to be hated!
So now,at times I just wonder why this is always part of a healing process? It’s so much work…LOL. Until you are the one in need of the forgiveness. Now,one thing I must say here is, when I forgive you, it is one,not about you. Two, it doesn’t matter if you think you did something wrong or not, because of one again. It is about me and what I think about or feel towards you. If you do or say something with all the good intentions but I intepret it differently and my understanding leads me to believe you wronged me,imagine that will be my truth and there’s nothing you will be able to do about it. And so, if my truth is that you hurt me, then guess what, I will have to forgive you if I am to move on. I had to say this coz it happens too often…
Because of my earlier emotions of betrayal and anger,I had to get to this point of forgiving and letting go and allowin healing to take place. My church has a program called simama translated in English, stand. And it is a very uncomfy program as it digs deep inside but a very necessary one. And so forgiveness is one of the things we deal with and as much as I did not want to hear it, the Lord did show me a few truths that again humbled me and had me doing this… Oh,do not be fooled,forgiveness is a choice… It just does not happen! I guess the other thing that makes it hard for me is because before you truly forgive,you have to be honest with yourself and more often than not,I find that I also have something to be forgiven for. So,for whatever wrongs I thought and felt had been done against me,I finally chose to forgive and I do feel much much better! Like I said,forgiveness always is about the person who is hurting; the victim not the perpetrator.
This is where I’m at now and this is fully God’s responsibility, right? I believe so. Now I can talk about my losing my job without being a smart mouth or sarcastic or negative. Now it is a chapter in my life that is over and like God says all things work together for good to those who love him and are called according to his purpose. I believe I am covered by those words and I cannot wait to see the good that will come out of this. Okay I already have seen a few goods,the lessons I have learned. And the most important must be, to never forget that if I am employed, the relationship that governs my life interaction in that space is that of professionalism. Oh, I also did learn that employees have laws that protect them and the best is, your employer cannot fire you just because they don’t like you. Just saying…
I am now at a good place. A good place to be an excellent employee or employer,whichever materialises first. I love that the Lord loves me and he always has my back.