I first heard of you in January 2014 from one Tony Kisaka, who you mentor and who is your partner in Dunamis International. The way he talked about you made me eager to meet you. You came out as this powerhouse; a force to reckon with and when I met you on Friday, August 1, 2014 for dinner at Serena Hotel, I understood why Tony was so passionate whenever he spoke with you. It was such a lovely dinner; what with your awesome sense of humor? It had been a while since I had laughed so much.
I had read of your background; of the journey you have walked; of where the Lord has brought you from; of the beauty he gave you for the ashes that life handed you but none of what I had heard or read, compared to hearing you speak at the Junior Achievement function, where you were the keynote speaker. And yes, you made a few of my tears, escape my eyes!
When you spoke of your story; of your background; of wanting to commit suicide at the age of 10, only for the gun to have had the safety on! That was when I feel God openly declared His love for you. That scenario for me had God all over it. He was saying you are mine and I have a much grander plan for you and I know you cannot see it but I got your back. How you got people to mentor yo and how they did not cut you slack; how they did not buy into your pity party and instead they messed them up, by showing up only with different plans in mind!
Your story of mentors humbled me and you sought of validated my desire for mentoring. I did not know that I was looking for it, until after I went home and I found myself very emotional. Your story made me feel authentic because you know, I have always questioned myself and wondered what it is I thought gave me the reason to think I can mentor someone. And you said you either use your pain or power to help another; what I have is pain. That is the tool I was handed to be able to play in the sphere of mentoring.
I did not have someone to hold my hand, other than God and so I was all alone in my struggles. Many did not understand how I survived the victimization of high school; how I still remained in the same school, where people threatened to kill me through poisoning and burning; where I was called a lesbian and a devil worshipper and openly rejected by being asked to go back to where I came from, as I had transferred to this specific school from another one. I was a lost soul and thoughts of suicide filled my head. I tried taking an overdose of pills but sleep for too long is all I managed.
The tears that were only known to my pillow and God. The questions of ‘what did I ever do wrong? where did I go wrong?’ I think my high school was lived in auto pilot mode. I lost my self esteem.Well, I am quite the actress and I would try not to show my pain and would pretend to have it all together. No one really cared anyway. I mean, when the people I thought friends betrayed me, I fell apart. And then God, through his different ministers of the Word, kept speaking to my heart. And he made it clear to me that what I go through today is not about me but it is for the next generation; to help someone else; to be there for someone else because I understand how crazy it is not to have someone to hold your hand during your darkest periods.
I have been mentoring on a low scale. 2 or 4 people, and this is because, for the larger part, I did not think I was authentic enough; though I know there are many teenagers going through crazy things and wishing they had someone to just re-assure them; but I was too scared Ron; I have been too scared; until yesterday. Your words reached out to me and as I thought of what would have become of you if that marine( I think), had not gone out of his way to bring out the awesomeness that was in you, and it hit me there and then, that my story is someone else’s encouragement; that my being there for someone, no matter how small the scale, could be the little ray of light they need to keep going.
I felt like I had just gotten the stamp of qualification to go out and be the big sister God prepared me to be years ago. That what I need to do is just go into that space and let God use me as his vessel, however he will want to. More importantly, it gave me the confidence and courage to start. Moulding Beauty is the vehicle through which God gave me to do my bit and now I feel very much enabled to do it. I mean, I think your mentor, if he never mentored anyone else, must feel very awesome and fulfilled, when he sees the fruits if his one hour a week sacrifice with you.
And I have tasted it. With a beautiful girl, who when I was introduced to at first was quite the mess and though she went to be with the Lord, a bit too soon for my liking, by then she was a transformed person, who loved the Lord like nothing else and was not ashamed to go on her knees in worship. And it is such things that make the pain worth it. When you see another blossom in their own right as God had planned. Knowing that the giving of your time and sharing of yourself; your failures and scars played a role in that, there is nothing more fulfilling.
So Ron, thank you very much and when you got all teary, the grace of the Lord is what I felt. And my resolve in this awesome God was also strengthened. The God who took you from your past, to a presidential adviser to the presidents of the most powerful nation on earth; that is a God I want to be in a relationship with. Thank you again. For being a living proof that where we start from is not as important as where we finish; that indeed what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,times without you even knowing it!