Of Forgiving and Forgetting

Forgive us our trespasses,as we forgive those who trespass against us

As far as the East is from the West so have I set your transgressions from me.

The Lord’s prayer is one that I believe I must have learned at the age of 5 or 6. It became more of a recital than a prayer with time until I grew a bit older and really started paying attention to what the words meant. And therein lay one of the most difficult things for man to do but very easy to ask for:forgiveness and when I started understanding the implications of the words,I think I wished I was 6again!

We are quick to apologize(sometimes) and quick to ask for forgiveness but when we are on the other side of the coin,lets just say,we usually are not so accomodating. Because stuff always looks more important or more painful when we are on the receiving end! We think too highly of ourselves;at least I know I do and no, I am not proud of it!

I consider betrayal the worst thing anyone could do.I have been broken by it and as they say,once bitten twice shy,I steer away from it or anyone who has anything to do with it. The people who have done this to me have somehow ended up on a black list book somewhere.I was thinking about it today,when someone who I just would rather not deal with,seemed to have mended fences with everyone else she had ever crossed and it made me feel stuck!Stuck in the past!I started thinking,if they’ve been able to let it go,why can’t I?Why am I still holding on to this hurt?Yeah,I know,it was not good or fair or right,but so what?Years have gone by and people have changed in some ways and here I am still wearing that betrayal like a gold medal!Lame!I know.

Then I was reminded of the Cross;the Old Rugged Cross where my sins were my sins were washed.I am reminded of the many times daily,that I have gone at that place and laid down all my betrayal to my first love;all my imperfections and flaws and never has He ever pointed out my history.So what made me think I had the right to hold a grudge against someone like that?Because I thought if I just let it go and forgave and moved on,it would have meant I am weak;or a walk over.But who said that?Who put that idea in my head?Clearly not the Creator.So it was my own inverted view which ended up holding me hostage;keeping me stuck at a place that’s not healthy.

So,what does it mean for me to forgive this person/people?It means giving them a clean slate;it means not judging them for what they did yesterday,by all means treating them with care but not passing judgement because of what they did.Is it something I can do?Of course,coz I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.Question is,am I willing to do it?Am I willing to finally put that chapter of my life to rest and treat these people as people who Jesus also died for instead of statistics to be proven right or wrong?

I shall definitely try because unforgiveness really is you locking yourself up.Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself,not to the person who hurt you.So,how do I move on and involve these people in my life again with trust issues?I tread the ground carefully and any time I am about to look at the past to pass judgement,I think of the last time God did that and let that thought guide my next action.

I am not telling you you have to do this.It is a process;it has taken me a number of years to get here;to get to this point where I want to lool at these people as people who are loved by God enough as myself to have made Jesus to come die on a cross.I am choosing to look at things through God’s eyes and honestly forgive and forget.I know I have not been the most angelic person either;I know I have my flaws and I know I have played the same role coz I thought I could coz I was playing the victim.But enough is enough.I shall not allow circumstances to decide foe how I shall behave and God forbid,to influence my character.I shall remain true to who I am.If someone else decides to wrong me or hurt me,I shall not allow that to mess up with me because it is more about them than it is about me.And so,I shall choose to maintain my cool and my peace no matter what;I shall not be a victim,so help me God.

Forgive me as I forgive them;a conditional prayer request that says, ‘Do unto me as I do unto others’ So being I’m holding a grudge,hold a grudge against me as well.That’s essentially what I am saying;what I have been saying but now I would like to change my language to ‘forgive me as I forgive’ and make those words alive.

Yours,
Imperfect,Moulding Beauty

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