the other woman/man

I was watching Dr. Phil last night and the issues he was handling really hit a home run with me. The first situation was about a married couple. The wife was confronting her once-upon-a time best friend who is a tad too close to her husband for her liking. They call and text through the day; go for overnight drives together as the man has a truck company and they do not see anything wrong with it. The man says he is not willing to end the ‘friendship’ with her wife’s ex-best friend and of course even the lady does not understand why they should end it, after all, they are just friends.

Dr. Phil said something that was profound and that I do not think many people think of. He told the ex-best friend that she needed to respect the boundary of her friend’s marriage! And that got me thinking… every relationship has its boundaries. As long as two people are together there is a line that as a third party you should be careful not to cross.It is like the equator, invisible but very there and it needs to be respected. A friend of mine once said that as soon as his lady friends got involved with a man and especially married, he stopped communication with them. He does not text or call them unless it is an emergency and we were like that’s random and then he said,’What business do I have conversing with a married woman?’ and now I wish we all had the same mentality!

It does not matter the excuses the person in the relationship gives.They are in that relationship willingly and if it is not working for them any more, then let them consider leaving it but do not allow yourself to be used! When you agree to be the other person, you are allowing this person to eat their cake and still have it and that is not right. I know.I have been the other woman before and oh, the stories you are given. And if you are not very sure of yourself and your worth, like I wasn’t, it is easy to but into the lies of how you are different; how you complete them; how they cannot explain it but you just complete them.Until one day I woke up and realized that I was wasting my time and my best years with a man who would NEVER be mine and I cut all communication! What always worked was asking myself what if I was the wearer of the shoe. What if my man had such a relationship with another woman? Knowing how hurt I would be,gave me the power to walk away and Lo and behold! I did not die! And the verse about treating others as you would like to be treated made so much sense.

I have also been on the other side where I am in a relationship but having a parallel relationship with someone else because they seem to get me more; or they are giving me something I felt I was not getting from the relationship. And then the 80-20 rule came to mind.No one is ever perfect and there will always be that other person who seems to complete you but it’s because you are only seeing the 20% lacking in your relationship and you have no idea if you would like the 80% and so again, I ended the relationship because I realized I was not getting what I really wanted and instead of continuing to hurt another, let me make my bed and lie on it.

You realize that either side, it is all selfish.Whether you are the one cheating or the other person,it all stems from a selfish place where you decide to be blind to the other person and how your actions would affect them because as long as you are not single/alone, then there is someone somewhere who gets affected by the decisions you make.So,is it possible for us to be conscious enough to know where the boundaries are and to care for our neighbours enough to walk away from a situation that would not put them in jeopardy? Are we capable of choosing not to go after someone who is taken no matter how difficult it may seem?Are we capable of choosing to do the right thing no matter how hard it is or how wrong it feels?

What goes around comes around. We somehow think we are immune to some of these things but remember you reap what you sow and so be careful; be very careful the seeds you are sowing because when reaping time comes,you will have to deal with them. So today, before you go out and cross the boundary, think of what it would do to you, if someone did the same to you. And if you do not care, well, go ahead and do you but years down the line when you will have forgotten your escapades and the same happens to you, remember your choice and choices have consequences.

Do not try to take that which already belongs to another, because if you do, someone else will come and take it from you and you will not have reason to complain because what, stolen goods do not belong to the thief. You may be in charge of them, but you never really own them.

Good Day,

Imperfectous.

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