I am pretending.I am acting.Playing a role of someone I currently am not.I looked around and was like,everyone else has moved on,why not me?Why am I still holding on?But now I know why?The others were not the victims.They may have been shocked by the events but they were not the victims.I was and every time I look at this person I keep wondering why I am acting.Why I am pretending and I’ve just had about enough.Now,I do not mind cordiality but this whole pretending like everything is fine when my hear hasn’t yet healed is a lot of bull crap(excuse my language)and I’m done. Call me childish if you may but I have the right to.I am not angry,I just need to let this wound heal and care not about what everyone else thinks.
I have paid too much attention about what every one else thinks; about what every one else will say and I do not have the energy any more. I got betrayed and it hurt me.It hurt me real bad and I will not continue acting like it did not.And so I will drop the pretense and right at the top of it is not to give something dear to me simply because I care about what people will have to say.
I am not saying it is going to be an easy route but you know what, I am willing to take it.And for me not to loathe this people for the rest of my life,I will need some distance;some space from them to just be,without them.I really need to work on me.I’m just done or on the residues of being a people pleaser and on caring too much about what other people think.I’m tired and worn out and I want a new start and I will get it.
I just needed to say this.