we once had a discussion with some of my friends about one’s friend dating the friend’s ex and almost all my friends were like they would not be ok with it. I shared the same opinion at some point,until it hit me,’why not?’ Why will it not be ok for my friend to date my ex, if they feel and make each other happy?I know I cannot convince anyone else to think like me but that’s why it is my blog…i get to write whatever i want.lol.Any how,just listen to my argument.
We all know that as human beings we are selfish.It is like a birth right.We are born selfish and that is why the greatest battle is that against yourself because it is only natural for us to think of us first and everyone else second.And also the reason we have so much animosity in the world.Because we think of self first.As long as it makes to us,well the rest can go to jupiter.As long as I am comfortable,why should I care about you?We may not be quick to admit it but if we search deep within,we will find that selfish self grinning at us.If we can love our neighbors as we love ourselves,how bright the world would be…..
I had to give a lil background for us to understand where I am coming from and heading with this.And no,I am not saying I have reached actualisation just yet,but certain things,I have made exceptions for.A friend of mine came and confided in me about how a guy i dated was hitting on her and she was like she put him off coz he was my ex.I asked her if she likes him,she was like not my type but even if he was,i still would not.Why?I will be awkward.Why does it have to be awkward?My answer,because we will make it awkward.Once an ex,always an ex unless it is someone you think you can still work things out.But for most of us,we will have moved on and happy but we hear our friends like our ex and we want to get all mad and pull the unwritten rules card and somewhat make the friend choose between the ex and us…really?we cannot eat our cake and have it…
This is my argument,who knows that God did not use you as the channel to bring the two together?Who knows,maybe they are each others soul mate,do you want to be the reason a friend never knows true love? ;).Tell me if this is not the height of selfishness.What business do you have with something you already trashed?You trash things that you have no use for anymore,right?You cannot see someone else with it and start claiming it was yours and no one else can have it.Once you trash it,you relinquish all claims and rights to it and it becomes public property.I know trash isn’t the nicest of things to compare us to but as long as you get the point.Don’t get all emotional on me.hehehe.
As I said,I am not trying to change anyone else view,just sharing my own.If I am done with you and I hope not for a reunion and a friend comes up to me and tells me they like you,I will give you my blessings because you know what,what goes around comes around,but we never think of that when we are on top.Next time you may be the one in the same predicament.Hopelessly in love with your friend’s ex,and you would want them to understand,right?So,do unto others as you would have them do unto you.It may take you a while to get used to it but if you purpose it in your heart,it will not be that long and as I said, we are the ones who make things to be awkward,not the situations.
I was in a situation.I liked a guy who said he liked me,i cannot establish this…lol.There was a friend who flirted with this guy blatantly and I did confront both about it and both were not willing to relent.Well,it felt like a betrayal from the friend and from the guy,it showed he didn’t really care about me.For a while I tried to be ok with it until it got to a point I woke up and smelled the coffee and packed my bags.It did not have much to do with my friend,more with a guy who just did not care.I thought,like most of us women think,that I could change him or that he would come around,but nah,the faze ended and reality checked in and it was to the left for me.Later on,the two got closer and I think they had a thing.At first I was appalled.At my friend because all the while I was pursuing Mr.Man,she insisted they were just friends and Mr. Man,for equally lying and more like wasting my time.I asked so many times for him to DTR Define The Relationship and he always hid under name calling.Anyways, wanting to live a life that pleases God is not an easy thing to do on this earth but I am willing to try because I have somewhat figured,it is the better option.
It stung and hurt.I played the fool.I saw it coming but chose to ignore.Wasn’t I the one he was calling before he sleeps?yeah right.The things we hold on to as women…Any way,so I wake up one morning and as I am conversing with God,He makes certain things clear.I was hurt,more because my pride was wounded than anything.How was it wounded?I played the fool.Thought I had something going while I had nothing.I had shared my fantasies with my friend.I had said some not nice things to the guy and now they were bffs,tell me that wouldn’t kill you.So it was more for having been played than anything else.Secondly,God reminded me they owe me nothing.None of them owes me anything.I sat back and decided to set them free.I was like maybe I had to happen for them to find each other.It does not feel good but I chose to not let that take away my peace of mind and joy and I said to myself that I hope they find happiness in each other and I was not gonna go walking mad and whatever.And i found peace of mind and life was beautiful.
So,moral of the story is,if you are my friend and you end up liking my ex,you have my blessings.One man’s meat is another man’s poison.Maybe you will be his missing rib…I decided I will not stand in the way of anyone’s happiness and I will not lay strange demands on my friends just because.It has got to make sense for both parties and more importantly must be God approved.It is not easy doing the right thing or going against the tide;challenging the status quo but I am not called to mediocrity;I am not called to be like everyone else.I am called to be unique and that’s what I will be.My verdict,not allowing your friend to date someone you don’t feel anymore is plain selfish and you can bring on the debate about this.
Have a lovely Friday y’all.
5 thoughts on “of friends and exes”
I had to re-read this again…. Very Insightful 🙂
you are more than welcome to re-re-read…lol. thanks hun
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