Who am i? What do i want?

It was yet another disappointment. Things didn’t turn out as i had planned. I wanted to hate myself;i think i did,but it did not make the pain go away. I buried my face in my hands. I let the tears flow. It hurt so much. After giving so much of myself and then what? ‘This cycle has become old news’ I tell myself. I cannot keep doing this to myself. Logic and emotions don’t really understand each other,for as i was repremanding myself,the tears still flowed and there seemed to be a lot mote where they were coming from.
She had tried to mind her business but my sobbing got to her. She knocked on my bedroom door and let herself in. I did not raise my head to see who it was. I was lost in my own world of self pity. She sat next to me, knowing full well that this was not anything new. The tears were,like on many other occassions before,a result of my giving myself too much;of my investing in projects that did not have much hope for any returns. She had heard all the excuses,’that’s just who i am.i can’t help it.’ the lie we tell ourselves over and over when we are not yet ready to take up responsibility. An excuse not to deal with the real issue. She decided pity parties are not her thing so she put an arm around me and asked me ‘who are you and what do you want?’ you guessed that right,i was shocked with the question to my tear glands that i looked up abruptly and the tears froze,for lack of a better word. She looked at me with her warm brown eyes and her kind smile and repeated the question. Then she said,’be true to yourself in answering these two questions and you will never again find yourself attending these lousy pity parties you throw for yourself everytime you dont get the result you were looking for.’  she gave me a kiss on the cheek and left….
P/s:i am still recovering…come back fo the findings….


One thought on “Who am i? What do i want?

  1. Pingback: Self-Pity and The Party « Poetry Writers Book Shop

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s