why do i even bother?

why do i try so hard

yet you never notice?

do i need to

come dressed in rainbow colors

maybe black and white

is too dull for you

or should i,

while stand right in front of you

scream at the top of my lungs

for you to hear me?

 

you seem blind to my appearance

and deaf to my voice

all i ever needed

was you to acknowledge me.

ever since i happened,

it’s like you caught selective amnesia

the rest you notice

the rest you give attention to;

your undivided attention

but i have to beg

a beggar in my own house…

 

who knew being different

would be such a heavy burden;

a curse?

every night,tears stream down my face

silent sobs lest i disturb the peace

questions of why? fill my mind

but answers are always far from reach

 

why is it in life

why is it that humans

shun that which is different

without even giving a chance

to get know how?

what is this we are afraid of

of that which is not like us

that keeps us from embracing

and instead, rejecting?

 

i never did get a memo

asking me how or when or where

i wanted to be born

i just found myself here

so why do i suffer the consequences

of not being

what you expected?

 

every day i tell myself

i cried my last tear yesterday

yet a new day comes

and i am at your feet

doing as you please

if only just once

for you to look at me proudly

give me a pat on the back

acknowledge me…

 

but the cycle is the same

me begging,you ignoring

and i am getting tired

i am growing weary

i am scared that one day

i will awake and care no more

that my heart will get to accustomed

you will lose the rights to hurt me

that cold is what i will be towards you

 

i am scared of that day

as it seems to draw near

with every look of disgust

and every condescending word

it draws near

and i am scared…

 

for what happens to a child

when they stop caring

whether its parents love it or not

whether its accepted or not?

what happens then,

when a child’s heart grows cold

from the rejection received

from those it thought

should love it unconditionally?

i don’t know

i don’t want to know

but soon it seems i will know

if the cycle continues

soon it seems i will write

about what a child does

when it stops caring

when its heart grows cold…

soon i will know

if the cycle continues…..

MB.

 

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5 thoughts on “your attention…how much?

    1. Nancee, i totally love your second name! though not sure i can pronounce it rightly. i am humbled to hear that,and encouraged.thank you for stopping by and even commenting. 🙂

  1. thank you.and i am not sure where this came from.it’s one of those inspired moments from God knows where.but once i started it just flowed until the very last word and i like it.i know there is quite a number of people who struggle with this. thank you for stopping by and reading and commenting.

  2. Children are meant to be loved unconditionally and be accepted as they are. All of us did not choose to be in this world but we are here.
    Anyways since we are, I believe we must take charge of our life and make a difference… 🙂

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