He loves me

or he loved me

he said he would never leave

yet here i am

all alone in the rain

he was to be my umbrella

but i can’t seem to locate him

did i misplace him

no probably i forgot him somewhere

worse still

he got picked by another…

 

see,he was my first

i had never had

a man interested in me

now i don’t know

if he saw my insecurities

decided to toy with my feelings

for he stayed

though i was stubborn

he kept coming back

if you can’t beat em

join em

i relented

i relaxed

thought that maybe

he was different

i opened up to him

told him of my darkest secrets

laid it bare before him

like one undergoing heart surgery

he seemed too care

at least that’s what i felt

when he touched me gently

and said

“it’s gonna be ok.”

that touch was my

forbidden fruit

that led me

to losing my virginity…

 

he said

it would bring us closer

only after the undressing

and the caressing

came a few minutes of pleasure

followed by an ocean of guilt

and filthiness

what had i just done

and now he was nowhere

probably looming around

looking for his next prey…

maneno matamu

yalitoa nguo mwilini

 

so i stand

out in the rain

hoping that it will cleanse me

from the dirt i feel

that it will drown

all the feelings

of regret

will this rain

wash me clean?

 

a hymn mama loved to sing

what can wash away my sin

nothing but the blood of….

but he cannot do it

he is holy

why would he

waste his blood

on a wretch like me

another hymn

amazing grace…..

can you please stop playing games with me

i knew better

i let myself be  led

like a sheep

to a slaughter house

i knew what  he said

was not true

but i needed him

or so i thought

so i silenced the Holy Spirit

he didn’t understand

yet here i am

alone in the rain

wishing it could

drown my tears

 

I can hear him

sweet gentle voice

calling out to me

come just as you are…

Lord you don’t understand

cast your burdens

unto Jesus

Lord,you don’t understand

for God so loved the world…

but i did it knowingly

he came for the lost

but im so filthy

come let us reason together

though your sin be as red as scarlet

i will make them

to be white as snow

i will cast your sin

as for as

the east

is from

the west

in the sea

of forgetfulness

i will give you

beauty for ashes

let me

make you over

secondary virginity

with me you always

have options

 

how is it that you

still love me

Jesus already paid

the price

for all your sins

my grace ever is

sufficient

I am love

loved you from the beginning

love you and always will

not conditionally

but unconditionally

you are the apple of my eye

it hurts me so

to see you hurt like you are

i have good plans for you

plans for a hope

and a future….

 

He took me in his arms

embraced me with his love

gave me peace for my tears

healed my broken heart

made it brand new

he gave me purpose

turned a rugged stone

into a ruby

gave me a new start

a fresh life

a new morning

 

for anyone willing

he is available

he is waiting on you

to come back home

to see you from a distance

and run towards you

envelop you in his embrace

restore to you

what the devil has

stolen

there’s no sin too big

for the blood of Jesus

to wash away

and blot it out

forever

no matter what you’ve done

his love is still available

forgiveness is awaiting you

he does not see what you are

or what you were

he sees what

you can be

and in him

it’s too bright a future

for you to keep holding onto

the pain and tears

let them go

and let him

he’s got a masters

in mending broken hearts

healing wounded souls

give your mess over to him

trade it in for a brand new life!

 

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