Lord im scared

scared that if i set him free

if i let him go

then he will not

come back to me

 

I’m scared Lord

that if I let him go

it will be the last

i see of him

that he will be

seduced by the fruit

given to him

by a cousin of Jezebel

 

See,he is the best man

i ever let into my life

he makes me laugh

he makes me see color

where normally

black or grey

is all id see

he gives me reason

to want to

wake up in the morning

go about my duties

oh,with him

i feel like

i can do

anything…..

pause.

i can

do all things

through Christ

who gives me strength.

 

Lord,you know what im talking about

that beautiful feeling

that loving and being loved

brings

the feeling that

you are on cloud nine

no longer walking on earth…

 

I hear you,Lord

But he hasn’t taken your place

I mean,

i only talk to him

first thing when i open my eyes

and the last thing

before i head to dreamland

oh and a number of times

during the day….

 

Prayers.

I pray Lord,

I say the grace

once every so often

I read my Bible

at least those nights

I ain’t too tired…

What?too tired to call him?

Now you know how he is

he’ll get all moody and all

you see,you understand

that’s what makes you so…..

 

I have substituted you with him

without knowing

i have let him

take first place

in my life

i no longer

commit my plans to you

i talk them over with him

and that’s final

i give him my best

and give you the rest

the left overs

it was such a smooth landing

i didn’t feel it

when i hit the ground

but that’s where i am

rock bottom

i let him take the place

of you

my first love

and you are a jealous God

and now i can’t let him go

ingrained in me like a tattoo

dependent on him like a parasite

just as the moon would not shine

if the sun did not exist

i have turned him into

my idol…

 

yet i faithfully go to church

every sunday

lift up my hands in worship

you say you look at the heart

mine is totally sold out

not to you

to him…

 

how do i get

so blinded?

where did i

lose the way?

when did my focus

shift from you

and now he needs to go

for you to come back

i gotta let him go

if you love someone

set them free

if……

i don’t want to

work with an if

i want a when

something more definite

 

i know i know

asking for too much

so i got to trust

that the love we have is true

but Lord

what will i do

if he doesn’t come back?

i can’t handle the pain again…

been hurt too many times

i know i got carried away

yet….

the many times

i have held things

in my hands i have lost them

but….

but…

whatever i have placed

in your hands

that has remained

 

i need you now

more than i need him

and i gotta let him go

and let you,God

you say

you have good plans for me

plans for a hope and

a future

why can’t i trust your Word?

your Word that

has never disappointed?

have i elevated him so much

that now i even doubt you?

 

i know

your will works better for me

than mine ever could

you brought him my way

so if he was just for a season

why can’t i believe

you can bring another my way

one who is meant for me

if it’s not him?

 

I’m scared

scared of losing him

scared of not having you

a man can be replaced

no hard feelings dude

but God,

there’s only one of you

it’s you or emptiness

it’s about that time

to make a choice

to choose one or the other

can’t serve both

 

God wait

i can incorporate you

in our relationship

we can be the strand

with three cords you know…

 

Honey,i love you

God knows this better than you do

but i got issues

that only he can handle

so i need space

not the kind of space where

we still talk 10times a day

and see each other

twice a week

from the daily schedule

no,i need you to go

i need to fast from you

total and complete

black out

i need God

to take his place

and i pray

and i wish  upon

every shooting star

that you will come back

to me

but if you don’t

if you don’t….

i will cross that bridge

when i get to it

 

Lord,

you gotta take me to rehab

withdrawal symptoms

can get too hard

to control

i let him go

i let you Lord

i do this believing

you know

what’s best for me

 

if i had kept you first

i wouldn’t be here

in the first place

no one

nothing

will ever

take your place again

this i promise…..

 

 

 

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