For him,
I would have gone to the moon
And back.
I would have swam across
A crocodile infested lake
Just to see him again
I think I would have laid down my life?
Nah,even I wouldn’t be that silly
I guess.
I loved him
In short.
I loved the man
There was nothing
I wouldn’t have done
Just to see him smile
Maybe that was
My biggest problem
I loved him too much
Is that even possible?
Too much of something is poisonous
My love for him was toxic
It was killing me slowly
I saw it
I felt it
But like most women
I thought I could love him to change
Oops!How does someone change
What they don’t see as an issue
They make you want to go to the optician
Maybe your eyesight has problems
I don’t know who the emotions specialist is
Mine needed therapy.
I stayed.
Treated me like a door mat
Still I stayed
I loved not myself
I realize now neither did i love he
How do you love another
If you love not yourself?
He was my host
I was the parasite
I thought he used me
I used him
We used each other
Only I didn’t abuse
His emotions.
I needed a man to define me
I thought having a boyfriend
Would make me important
Would make me like me more
I hated me more
The situation was pathetic
I hated it
I hated me more
That’s why I stayed
I thought I deserved nothing
Believed I was worthless
I treated myself not with respect
How would another?
He made me feel good,
Occassionally
Until enough was enough
I couldn’t take it any more
I had reached my rock bottom
Had nothing to lose
I walked.Away
It hurt.
Cost me every emotion in me
But I walked
And for the first time
I felt the breeze in my hair
I actually felt it
And the next day when it rained
I did not run for shelter
I felt the rain
Every drop that fell on me
I suddenly was alive
I had resurrected
I was a living being again
I had lost that as a child
And walking away
Brought me back to life
Maybe I loved him in my way
We were bad for each other
I blamed him for so long
Until the sun dawned on me
No one can hurt you
Without your permission.
You too
Can walk away.
Miss Adoyo 